Face-to-Face
by Elie.N.P
Summary: "It's just a bad day," she thought aloud. The cup slid from her fingers and went to crash on the floor. "A very bad day." She shook her head. She might as well immediately go to sleep if she wasn't even able to stop the fall of a single small object. Sometimes all it takes to make things better is a friendly face-to-face. One-shot


**This one-shot is all about friendship and misunderstandings which can sometimes have painful consequences. **

**Then a simple face-to-face can be the best solution to erase them.  
**

**I hope you'll have a good read!**

**ElieNP**

* * *

**Face-to-Face**

She heard them laughing while walking. She witnessed them stop when she entered the room. They didn't want to share their light mood with her. She slightly smiled at them, almost apologetically, before hurrying away from them.

Although they were of the same age, they made her feel as if she was much older. Somehow she always got the feeling she was troublesome, not welcomed, not expected to share something else than a mission with them. She only belonged to a team, not to their group of friends.

She chased the unpleasant thoughts away before reaching the kitchen – which she'd verified was empty. She was going to make herself a cup of tea – rather a cup of hot cocoa - then retreat to her room where she'd spend a lonely evening. As always nobody would bother to look for her.

They didn't need her company.

Jean Grey was a boring brilliant student, a big sister, a mother sometimes and, above all, a burden for the young people she lived with. She allowed her mind to be absorbed by the hot cocoa warming up in the microwave. With her uniform on she was a skilled mutant, a leader who they'd all follow almost blindly, without it she... She closed her eyes. Without her uniform she thought she didn't belong to them any more.

It was as if these clothes made her switch from mutant to human. She mattered as a mutant, not as a human. The microwave stopped, pulling her out of her thoughts. She took back her cup, sighing. Fortunately she wasn't overwhelmed by that kind of depressing thoughts very often.

"It's just a bad day," she thought aloud. The cup slid from her fingers and went to crash on the floor. "A very bad day." She shook her head. She might as well immediately go to sleep if she wasn't even able to stop the fall of a single small object.

"Jean?"

"It's nothing Kitty," she quickly replied having, at least, sensed the young woman approaching. "You can go."

"You sure?"

Jean nodded. Kitty had planned to go to the theatre with Kurt and some other students, she wouldn't want her to be late because of her clumsiness. She jumped when she felt Kitty's hand on her shoulder. That she hadn't foreseen coming. She was going to bed straight away.

"Jean, you don't look so good," Kitty pointed out. "You want to come with us tonight?"

A small smile stretched up Jean's lips. She might not be appreciated by most students but Kitty was, and she perfectly understood why. She gently moved away.

"I appreciate Kitty, really, but no thanks. I think I'll just go to bed."

"But you-"

"Have a good evening," Jean wished her before leaving the room – not forgetting to clean the mess she'd made.

She might have been tempted to slowly climb up the stairs to give anyone the opportunity to stop her, to ask her if she was all right, to offer her some company, but where would have been the point? Hadn't she just rejected Kitty's kind proposition? Hadn't she already tried to act that way several times with always the same result - meaning none. Nobody would ask her anything, some would wish her a good evening but it'd be the sole words offered to her on a Saturday night. She sighed for the umpteenth time this day. It still amazed her how childish she could be sometimes.

Her room was a den nobody ever went in without having a good reason. She collapsed on her bed. They'd be surprised to see she wasn't as tidy as they all certainly thought she was. Clothes were hanging from her chair, laying on the small couch she'd set beside the window, books were sprawled on the floor as well as her notes and homework. She spent so much time in it, wouldn't it be even duller if she kept it perfectly tidy?

Jean got her shoes off. She let them fly somewhere around the bed. Soon her pants joined them on the floor and then her sweat-shirt. She quickly pulled her pyjamas from under her sheets to put them on. She could hear music coming from several directions in the mansion, undoubtedly from some bedrooms crowded with students.

She squeezed her eyes shut, deeply inhaled then loudly breathed out. She repeated those actions three times before thinking she'd calmed down enough. Something crashed in the stairs. Jean immediately closed her eyes again. In and out, in and out, she tried to keep her breathing slow but it appeared much more difficult than usual, than when she was calm, calm and well-rested. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror. The rings under her eyes made her wince, she looked utterly exhausted.

"Jean?"

She jumped.

"Jean you're in?"

She didn't answer. She hadn't been paying attention enough to sense Kitty this time – or hear her steps.

"She is certainly asleep."

Jean tensed a little. Kitty and Kurt were standing in front of her door, what was going on?

"But I've just seen her in the kitchen!" Kitty protested.

"Yes but you said she looked tired."

"I know but-"

"Jean!" Kurt's knocks at her door were sufficiently loud to wake up someone under sedatives. "Jean!"

"Kurt! What are you doing?"

"Waking her up."

"But-"

"I know, I know, she looked tired, she needs to be left in peace but at the same time don't deny you want to see her, so let me wake her up."

Jean lowly giggled. Kurt's sense of logic was unanswerable.

"She may be angry."

"She won't."

"But-"

"Jean! Jean you sleepy head get out!"

"Kurt!"

Kitty sounded worried. Jean frowned. She didn't mind keeping Kurt waiting, but she didn't want to make Kitty worry about her.

"Jean!"

"Coming," she answered quickly.

She grabbed the first jumper she found and swiftly put it on over her pyjamas.

"What can I do you for you?" she casually asked while opening the door.

"Are you all right?" Kitty replied, totally ignoring Jean's question.

Jean shrugged. "A little tired but it's nothing."

"You put clothes on and we go to the theatre together," Kurt declared with an authority none of the two women thought he was able of outside of the battlefield.

"I was going to go to bed."

"No, you're not."

"Kurt, it's kind of you but-"

"You get ready or I take you there the way you're dressed right now."

"Kurt!" Kitty cried. "That's not kind."

Jean only gave him a puzzled look.

"One minute and we all appear in front of the theatre," Kurt announced with determination.

"I hope you'll enjoy the film," Jean said before retreating to her room.

Kurt reached out to grab her wrist. "You're going to enjoy it with us," he said a bit more harshly than necessary. Kitty looked shocked.

Jean shook her head. "No, I'm not. I'm going to bed. I need to rest."

"You've all tomorrow morning to sleep in!" Kurt exclaimed.

"It's now that I need to sleep. Tomorrow I have things to do." Jean's tone was calm, calmer than she felt in reality.

She didn't understand why Kurt was suddenly so eager for her to join them. She didn't understand either why Kitty had come to her room, why she'd been accompanied by Kurt and why they both seemed to worry about her when they usually never bothered to know what she did of her Saturday nights.

"Jean-" Kurt began but was cut off by the woman's sigh.

"Good night guys."

The young man was prevented from protesting by his friend's hand on his mouth. Kitty glared at him before going through the now closed wooden panel.

"Kitty, you're going to miss the beginning of the film," Jean pointed out while sitting down on her bed.

The younger woman ignored the remark and walked to Jean's side.

"You seem distant tonight."

Jean held back a snort. She didn't want to be rude with Kitty but this was a field she shouldn't venture into.

"You never go out with us all right, but it usually didn't seem to bother you that much."

Jean gritted her teeth. How could she go when she was never invited to join them?

"And you spend most of the rest of the time at the mansion alone."

Could she be trying to upset her on purpose? Of course she was alone! How could it be otherwise when nobody of the mansion – save from the older ones - wished for her company? In spite of her irritation she remained silent.

"What's wrong?"

Jean couldn't hold back a dry chuckle which startled Kitty. "Jean?"

The older girl shook her head. "You should go Kitty, the theatre won't wait for you."

"But-"

"Gosh Kitty! Go! I want you to go!" Jean snapped. "Please," she added more gently.

"No."

"Kitty," she sighed. "You-"

"No, I won't go."

Jean laid back across her bed. "This is useless."

"No!" Kitty cried. "We want you with us!"

Jean hid her eyes with her arm. Liar she thought but didn't say because she didn't want to hurt Kitty.

"You're always alone when at the mansion and have been avoiding us-"

"Stop."

"And we're worried because we don't know how to-"

"Stop."

"We don't know how to get close to you, to lead you to tell us what-"

"Stop!" Jean roared, jerking up. "Stop it Kitty that's all bullshit and you know it! I don't belong with you. You don't want me to be with you. You're not worried, or maybe about my performances on duty, because I may be a danger for your safety. But you are certainly not worried about me, Jean Grey is a boring student you all wish to stay away from as much as possible."

Kitty could only gape at her. She hadn't expected such words to come from Jean's mouth. She hadn't expected her to speak so harshly, to be so angry, to sound so hurt. Kitty's heart clenched in her chest. The idea of Jean feeling so lonely had never once crossed their mind. They'd never thought Jean could be so touched by their absence. She always looked so confident, so bright. Tears gathered up in Kitty's eyes. How could they have been that blind to their friend's suffering?

"Oh Jean!"

"Go."

Kitty forcefully shook her head. "No, I won't let you-"

"Go."

Kitty reached out to grab Jean's arm. "Oh Jean you should have told-"

Jean violently pushed her hand away. "Please leave me in peace." She didn't want to be pitied. She was angry at herself to have made tears appear in such gentle eyes. She wished Kitty would leave quickly, she wished she was alone already. Although she hated to feel lonely she didn't want that feeling to stop because of some pity she'd have aroused.

"But Jean you-" Kitty was cut off by Jean's glare. She didn't understand the older woman at all. She was lonely, suffering from that loneliness and yet refused to be helped out of it. Then she saw the tears, gathered up at the corners of the eyes, then rolling down the pale cheeks until they were soaking the jumper. Finally, understanding dawned on her. Jean was afraid. She feared she might do things wrong. She feared she might force herself on them. She feared they might hate her for that. She feared many things, many bad things might happen because of her and that fear was preventing her from taking that hand Kitty was offering her.

One was afraid, the other too naïve. Kitty suddenly flung her arms around Jean's neck. She wouldn't allow their respective weaknesses to keep them away from each other.

"I'm so sorry Jean, I should have... I should have," she was sobbing into Jean's jumper. "I don't know how it...I should have... I..."

Kitty didn't know how to express herself because she didn't know when things had started to turn wrong. She couldn't point out the time they'd started drifting apart from each other. Had something happened? Had a party been organized without Jean participating? Had it all started because of that?

"It's a misunderstanding, a stupid misunderstanding," she whispered. "All because of a stupidity you've been suffering. You should have come to see us, to tell us how you were feeling."

Jean sniffed. "I didn't want to disturb, nor to be rude."

Kitty gave her a little slap on the back. "You moron."

Jean offered a shaky laugh. "It's just... you looked so happy without me and... each time I approach people stop laughing..." she trailed off.

"Because they're either impressed or waiting for you to enter the conversation. They stop laughing because they want you to be comfortable, they want to start a conversation with you, one you will laugh about with them, not one they'd have started without you."

"You're making excuses for them," Jean gently scolded. "You know I'm not that important-"

"Bullshit!" Kitty growled. "All right I admit those reasons may not be theirs, they may have other reasons that I don't know of, but I'm certain they all care for you. You're important to us, you just don't know it, and we can't blame you because we're not really good at making you feel at ease either."

Jean finally returned Kitty's embrace. "I should have told you," she admitted, "but I was-"

"Scared, I've understood now."

Jean nodded. She wasn't very good with human relationships. Too reserved to speak about her problems, even with the people she loved the most, she owed Kitty a lot to have forced herself into her loneliness.

"Still alive guys?" Kurt's voice broke their sweet bubble.

Kitty rolled her eyes. Jean laughed.

"I don't want to rush you but the film is about to start!"

"Coming!" Kitty shouted to the door. "You too?"

Jean smiled but nevertheless shook her head. "No thanks, I am really tired."

Kitty nodded. The rings under Jean's eyes corroborated her words. She really deserved a good night of undisturbed sleep. "Tomorrow we spend the day together?"

Jean beamed at her. "Count on me." She kissed Kitty on the cheek. "Thank you for everything."

"Don't, this conservation shouldn't have been. I should have-"

"Enjoy the film, you too Kurt!" Jean added loud enough so as to be sure the guy would hear her words.

Kitty understood it was time for her to leave.

Jean didn't want to dwell on what should have or shouldn't have been, on who should have understood what at which time. It was useless, and painful. She was glad they'd talked. Things would be different from now on, she'd make efforts on her side not to be so afraid of disturbing them. She'd try to be more confident, she'd trust them and the friendship she shouldn't have ever doubted. It'd take some time, because Jean didn't like to go out every night. She was more of a stay-at-home person and she'd have to tread carefully not to let that nature of her take her away from her friends. However they'd always have to make efforts on their side to understand – accept – that nature of hers.

The frontier was thin between being a stay-at-home person and a lonely one. Jean would do her best to make them understand why she loved some peace, once again peace didn't mean loneliness. Her powers often left her exhausted, to be in a crowded place wasn't a piece of cake for her, so she often preferred to remain where she felt safe, where she didn't have to be on guard continuously.

It'd be all right, she thought as she saw Kitty waving her goodbye. She might have drifted away from them but no tie had been broken yet. She did belong with them as a mutant and as a friend. She did belong with them all the time. She'd only forgotten it for a brief moment. The consequences might have been terrible for her heart if Kitty – plus Kurt – hadn't come to her that quickly. She trust them all, had always, and was glad they'd reminded her of that.

"Thank you", she murmured before Kitty entirely disappeared through the door.

The younger girl winked at her. "You're welcome. Good night."

"Good night."

Jean laid more comfortably under her covers. It'd be a good night. The morrow would be a good day. She closed her eyes and smiled.

Even a skilled telepathic could use a face-to-face conversation to reveal some things which could simply not be read on your face or directly from your mind, even a smart person could use

It was relieving to still have some weaknesses.

**The End**


End file.
